But it's ok. Because life has taken a huge turn in my life, and I'm so excited to see what happens next. All my life, I was never exceptional at anything, really. Dancing, sports, art-I never found my passion. Something I could call mine. I'm not talking about no boyfriend, 'cause that's an entirely non-existant story. I'm talking about the one thing that I look forward to everyday, the thing I crave, the thing I can't live without; and that, my lovelies, is exercise.
So let's have a conversation.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl, who loved life. She loved everything about it; Hawaii, the sun, her family, friend-just everything. Life was grand. Life was great. She didn't know anything else, and she didn't care to know anything else.
Not too many years later, little girl had to move. Washington wasn't Hawaii; rain wasn't the sun, and gray skies weren't clear, sunny blue ones. But with a family like hers, it was alright. She had a brand new house with a big, green backyard. Washington would have to do.
Little girl was teased at school for being different. She wasn't blond, stick thin, or fair-skinned like the other girls. Little girl was the opposite. Little girl was outnumbered. And when the teasing started, little girl's happiness began to die a little bit, every day inside.
Little girl began to get older. She was not so little anymore, but was just a girl. Girl began to not like what she saw in the mirror. Girl thought she was fat. Girl thought she was ugly. Girl hated her brown eyes, and wished for blue ones. Nothing she saw was good enough.
But girl read magazines. She saw the models on the covers, stick thin in all their perfection. Girl needed that. Girl began to diet.
Mother didn't know girl was dieting, or counting calories. In fact, no one knew. Because girl was determined to become skinny. Skinny was beautiful. Girl wanted to be beautiful. So girl counted the calories of her cocoa puffs, tried to run a mile but barely could, and traded her fruit roll-ups for ritz. Nothing changed. Girl didn't understand.
Girl was only 10 years old.
Soon, girl became older, and was no longer just a girl, but became a young woman. She tried out for sports, and made it to the teams. Young woman never played at the basketball games, but atleast she got to wear the jersey. Young woman still wanted to be beautiful. And beautiful, was being skinny. Young woman heard of anorexia, bulimia, and as tempting as it was, she just loved food too much. And she hated that she did.
Young woman began to run, and tried reading some of her mother's dieting books. But nothing ever changed-she was not skinny. The nightly routine of tearstained cheeks never dried off.
Young woman reached highschool. She joined a gym that was fun, it was hard, and it was intense called Crossfit. She loved it. And she knew this could help her. But young woman had to stop, because the money stopped coming. And young woman was once again alone.
Young woman became 18. She was a woman. BYU-Hawaii was her new home now, and she embraced it with open arms.
College was hard. Woman had trials; boys, lack of friends, homework, mean teachers...but most of all, her skinny dream was always there. Food was a comfort, and Woman gained 20-25 lbs. Woman never knew why; she jogged, she ate granola instead of doughnuts at the cafeteria, and biked to subway about twice a week. What was she doing wrong?
Coming home overweight was hard for woman. She felt lost, alone, and afraid. Her dreams were never coming true, she was sure of it. After 15 years of fighting, the monster had finally won. And in defeat, woman ate.
Mother loved woman. And Mother didn't know much, but she knew she would do anything for her daughter. Woman went on the HCG diet 4 times. It worked for a while, but the weight never stayed away. No matter how hard she worked, it failed. She went from website to website, diet to diet, and she finally said enough. Woman was convinced she could never find a way out. But mother knew otherwise.
Mother took her daughter to a personal trainer, a counselor, and a natureopathic doctor, where she discovered she had Candida. The depression, the bloatedness, the irregular bowel movements, the extreme fatigue; none of the 5 doctors seen could tell her why this was happening. If it wasn't for mother, woman would have given up. Natureopathic doctor found out the problem, and with diet, exercise, and medicine, The candida was slowly going away. Personal trainer helped Woman exercise right, tone up her body with the time they had, and taught her how to eat right. She told her how important fiber was, and how to eat clean. Counselor helped Woman love who she was as a person. Woman had help. Woman was healing.
It's no secret that that little girl, who became a girl, to a young woman, and to the woman she is today, is me. Life has been a struggle. I've had my ups and downs. I know what its like to look in the mirror and despise what you see. I know what it feels like to feel so low that you think you can never come back up. But it's not true. It is simply not true.
Through patience and long-suffering, I learned the right way to treat your body. I learned how to exercise right. I learned that ritz and fruit roll-ups are not diet-friendly foods, that skinny is not healthy, toned is beautiful, but most of all, I learned how to love myself.
I blog to you today because I want to help others. I want to turn the tears to smiles, the doubts to strengths. I want you to know that everything is possible.
Exercise has changed my life. I've seen what it does, and I know what it can do. It does so much for you, and so many people don't realize it! It makes you confident, attractive, healthy, strong, energized, happy, smarter-it makes you the best you can be in every way possible. It is the ultimate cure. And I want you to know that. I've learned so much in school, through my experiences in life, and talking to professionals, just how important being healthy is. Exercise is key. Eating right is key. Strong is beautiful. And anyting is possible.
So cheer up, buttercup. Life won't always be sunshine and fruity pebbles, or the perfect shade of pink.
But the way I see it, if you want the rainbow...you gotta put up with the rain.
So, with that being said, stay tuned. I'll be back. But for now, I'm gonna go out, and keep doing those
things I never thought I could do.
